Are you Respectful ?-4

Not Doing What I Want!

There are a number of factors in any relationship that will ensure respect will not appear very often or disappear altogether. Not only do we lose sight of the inherent dignity and worth of the other, our withdrawal of respect, and its replacement with animosity, simply means that we have decided that ‘they’ are not saying, doing or being exactly what we want them to say, do or be! And we are taking it personally. The moment we use prescriptive language, either in our thoughts or in our words towards another, it usually means we are not accepting them as they are. That means we are not able to be respectful. Accepting others exactly as we find them seems to be a necessary pre-requisite to the ability to extend respect, to be respect full!

So why exactly is respect becoming an endangered species on planet relationship? Why is it often referred to as the first thing to go and last thing to come back? There are number of illusions that have arisen during the last few decades that get in the way of both our understanding of respect and our ability to ‘live it’

“If he fears me he will respect me”

It starts in the playground and then it escalates all the way up into international conflict. The bully bullies and induces fear. The fear is called respect. The bully uses their ability to induce fear in another in order to get from the other what they mistakenly believe is respect. But it’s not respect it’s fear. The bullied will say they respect someone when what they really mean is they fear someone. And so it is that the meanings of fear and respect become tangled and the capacity to extend real respect is lost. This is a mindset that afflicts even the most intelligent, as it escalates all the way up to the international conflicts we see in the world today.

“You just lost my respect”

It sometimes takes the smallest things for people to withdraw their respect for another. Coming late to a meeting, not fulfilling a promise, telling a lie, giving someone else an opportunity. All such moments can trigger resentment. And where there is resentment, however subtle, even if it’s just held at a mental level, it will be impossible to see the goodness and worth of the other, so there cannot be respect.

“People need to earn my respect”

 It’s one of the most popular mantras of modern society, “Respect has to be earned”. But when challenged with the question, “What must a person do to earn your respect”, it seems very few know what to answer, or they muddle an answer around something like, “Be honest or be reliable or do what they say, or do what ‘I say’!”. But it tends to be a grey area. Often we just parrot this idea of ‘my respect has to be earned’ as it seems to give us some power of dispensation over the other. Only the enlightened soul has realized that it’s usually the other way round. Respect is what forms the foundation of any relationship and if it’s not there then there is, in effect, no relationship. The leader never waits to be respected they are always in the mode of giving, extending, their respect for all others at all times. The authentic leader is never disrespectful!

Om Namah Shivay

***Write ” Om Namah Shivay ” if you ask for God’s blessing on your life today. Please Like, Tag and Share to bless others!


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