Relationships can either take the form of strength or weakness depending on the mind. If the mind is strong then relationships can be like a gift to us, but if the mind is weak and not in control, then relationships can feel like bondage.
How would you like to see yourself – happy and bubbling with enthusiasm or dull and difficult to please?
Often you like to be pleased, appeased and cajoled. So you put up a tough, upset face and act difficult to please. If a person has to appease and please ten people all the time, it will be so tiring. People who keep a long face and expect others to cajole and appease them make others run away.
Lovers often do this. They expend a lot of energy in cajoling and this brings down the joy and celebration of the moment. It is okay for you to show your upset mood or tendency once in a while, but doing it over and over again is taxing for you and the people you love.
If you feel low, appease and please yourself. Your need to be appeased by someone else is the sign of grossness. This is the root of ignorance. If you want attention, all you get is tension.
There is a secret about relationships. Women should never make their husband feel small.
If you tell your husband, ‘You are like a vegetable, good for nothing. You are a lazy goose!’ his self esteem goes down and he really becomes good for nothing. However, hopeless or weak he is, you should always tell him that he is the best. You should pump his ego.
The whole world may say that he has no brains, but you should not say that. As a spouse you should say, ‘You have the best brains in the world.
Just because you don’t use it, it doesn’t mean that you don’t have any.’ In the same way, men should never pour cold water on women’s emotions. For women, emotional bonding is very important.
You should never complain about her parents, her father or her mother or sisters or brothers. If she herself complains, you keep quiet, don’t say anything.
If you oppose her parents, you will be in trouble and if you side with them, she will feel left out. Either way you are in trouble, so keep quiet. Simply move away from there or change the topic.
If in the relationship, both come from a sense of giving then there will be no problem. But if both want to take, there will be fights for sure. ‘I am here to contribute, what I can do for you?’ – your relationship will last longer with this attitude.
Similarly, don’t be feverish about a relationship, just relax and you will find your relationship with people will improve and become better. If you are like a leech, clinging on to somebody and bugging them, even though you say all nice words, that person will run away from you because they can’t handle it. One aspect is to give love, and another is to know how to handle love, receive love as well.
It needs only a centered, enlightened person. You have to be very much at ease with yourself. If you are at ease with yourself, everyone will be at ease with you.
Just be yourself. Be natural and simple. Relationships develop naturally. If you try to build a relationship that is when you become a little artificial and unnatural.
You like someone to be very honest, open, natural, unassuming with you. That is exactly what others also want from you. If you are a boss, what type of assistants or subordinates would you like? Someone who is open. And that is also what your boss wants. Don’t try hard to impress your boss, or impress your girlfriend or boyfriend. That is when everything goes wrong.
The best is to be yourself, natural, to be forgiving and to be in the present moment. It makes a big difference.
Om Namah Shivay
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